Say something about gay babies.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
