If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
