So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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