Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
