i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
