Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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