So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
