can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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