Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't think brook has ever known best
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
