we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You made out with two different species that night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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