Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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