Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
