the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
