Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
