it's not cheating when I paid for it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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