Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
