ya dads aren't the best wingmen
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
