Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
