I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
