Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
