need another drink. this is the easiest way
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
