very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
