I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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