Umm I'm too high to move.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
