PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
