I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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