508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
