I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
