So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
