i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
