I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone signed my nipple.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
