im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
