Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is wine microwaveable?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
