girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
