You're completely useless in the revolution.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
