I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
