You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
