Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
