You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
