no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
