I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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