12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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