I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
