your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
