so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize