i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
