I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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