Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
