I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
