Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
