I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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