Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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