Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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